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How I Became…

I don’t know when I first had the idea to write a blog. It was long after blogging became a thing, and long, long after it felt like everybody was doing it. In fact the plethora of blogs and websites on the subjects I was interested in put me off, kept me postponing the actual work. And the idea stayed an idea.

Well, long story short, I finally succumbed to the peer pressure, and promised to go live. Stress and sleepless nights ensued, then came the time of “what ifs” and “should haves”, the era of constantly doubting, and questioning myself, as I desperately tried to come up with a unique core idea, a niche that will change the world of blogging forever. Needless to say I was unsuccessful in my endeavours. Hence, the sleepless nights. I almost gave up. Not that I announced the upcoming wonder for all people to see, didn’t invest into ad campaigns to peek customer interest. Except for a few people, nobody even knew I was toying with the idea, or that it even existed. Let’s be honest here, the only thing that kept me going was not wanting to lose face in front of my loved ones.

And then one morning everything changed. I think I was blow-drying my hair, as I realised this whole thing wasn’t about the success of the blog, or about maintaining my integrity in front of others. They will continue loving me even if I fail. Sure the niche, and finding my voice are important things, but those will most likely change as I change. I was hopelessly over-thinking the problem, in fact there was no problem at all… Starting a blog was about one thing, and one thing only: me proving myself to myself. Nobody tricked me, or forced me into writing; I wanted to do this. Because I wanted to see if I can. Already knowing deep down that I can.

Along with that declaration, I accepted that yes, I might suck, I might be one among the millions of more successful blogs, my grammar might not be perfect, the content could be better, but hey… I’m doing it. Because I’m capable; because something more than peer pressure and self-justification is driving me. Something that will help me make this work. And with that, the potential of succeeding stopped terrifying me, the fear of failing miserably faded away; and as the threat of other bloggers’ ingenuity smoothed into inspiration, I started loving this little idea. Because it may be too big a bite, but it’s an adventure, and at least I can say I did it.

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